shelves of curious stuff

As you know I love books. Can't bear to throw them away particularly the ones that I know have soul. A while ago I posted about my South American Handbook 1928 and Lear's Book of Bosh.
This weekend I had a swap around of furniture in the dining room which meant a complete empty of the book case in order to move it.
Well you can imagine it took 5 times longer than it should as I 'ummed' & 'arrred' over the gems in there.

Tucked at the back behind the big meaty books (Times Atlas of the World, Secret Britain, Whale Nation etc) I found a couple of small old slim books. I must tell you my mother gave me them some time ago, she found them whilst clearing out things when her partner died. Her words were ' You may find these amusing?'

The first one is 'mastery of speech Lesson6' - How to speak in private life and in public places.
It is not dated but gives advice on how to talk in the home, to servants, policemen, labourers, foreigners, public officials and so on. It does mention a lot about being frank ... I don't want to me Frank!!
In talking to a foreigner it gives you the scenario that 'you are in a social gathering, or you are travelling and get into a conversation with a foreigner. What topics would be of most use?
1. Present events in the foreigners land (all well and good if you have your Blackberry with you)
2. Great men in the foreigner's land (bit stuck if he is Belgian... sorry!)
3. Great achievements of the foreigners nation at any time (Blackberry time again)
4. The past or present relations of your country and his (tricky on many fronts being British)
Along these lines I have the most interesting conversations with foreigners of all sorts from peasants on the mountain side to bankers'

The second one is the 'woman the home maker; or how to care for your wife'. Published originally in 1905 but the copy I have is the 3rd edition released upon the world in 1914.

It is a corker of a book which swings from a mans chauvinistic view point to how to keep a woman well. It is of particular interest to me as it was published in my home town but I have been unable to track anything down about the Rev. Melville C. Keith , M.D. to date

.

I will be keeping these two books at the front of the book case for future reference and will post genuine snippets of madness in the future

btw the lady at the top of the post was tucked in side 'woman the home maker' - knit yourself a long vest pattern!!!

Bits of unconnected strands, whisps in my willows

I didn't toast a wee timerous beastie on Rabbie's night. So tonight I am having a dram of rye vodka, whoa ee, its ticked the back of my sarcophagus! I'll raise my glass to Tam O'Shanter and his ghosts instead. That vodka is doing weird things...
Its cold, come straight from the Ukraine to my kitchen.
It's time to read again, keep these long chilly nights at bay, so I've started The Quite American (Graham Greene). What a great read. Only on page 25, and its really good.
And like Aeib, it's 'keep fit' night Monday, and I am week three of Tai Chi. I don't know when we are going to get to the Bruce Lee kicks yet. Have to be careful the lycra doesn't snap.

true words of advice

This is from an email my nephew sent me. It is one of those chainy type ones where if you don't send it to 1000 people your head will explode and plague of locusts will invade your home etc etc.
Not one to intimidated by such nonsense, lets just say I have disobeyed the instructions.
However, the content struck me as being true and it is gentle reminder to us all how simple actions and thoughts can make a difference.

ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
FOUR. When you say, 'I love you,' mean it.
FIVE. When you say, 'I'm sorry,' look the person in the eye.
SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight.
EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
TEN.. In disagreements, fight fairly.. No name calling.
ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
THIRTEEN! .. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, 'Why do you want to know?'
FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
FIFTEEN. Say 'bless you' when you hear someone sneeze.
SIXTEEN.. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
NINETEEN. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
TWENTY- ONE. Spend some time alone.

blue monday?

yes I know it is now Thursday ... but I have been busy!

Blue Monday was a funny old day (not as in funny 'ha ha' but funny peculiar')
It started ok albeit a wet and miserable day.
It carried on being very wet and the banks of the River Irwell burst. It caused mayhem around the working district of Salford. Basements had to be evacuated and folk where stressing around the financial/legal quarters.
It could have been worse because C1857 when the banks burst coffins were seen floating down the Irwell. We only saw trees, debris and footballs (there are always footballs, plus the odd canoe and sofa)

The other 'peculiar' scene I witnessed was when driving out of the car park was this.
An ambulance hurtling towards me, flashing lights and sirens going, on the other side of the road. I slowed up as I could see that they would have to over take a vehicle on their side.
I also saw a woman in a red coat standing on that side of the road.
Suddenly she walked into the middle of the road ....... & stood face on to the ambulance and remained there.
the ambulance driver slammed on his breaks, as did I!
he stopped about 2 inches from her. His face was in horror (as was mine)
She walked to the side of the ambulance, banged it on the side and gave some 'non-vebal' communications with 2 fingers.

It has troubled me since this scene. I am wondering whether this girl had meant to end her days here and was angry that the ambulance stopped in time. Her actions were so deliberate and calculated. She disappeared out of view very quickly like a spectre into the distance.
I have surfed the 'net to see if I could find any information about a girl in her late 20s in a red coat but to no avail.

the year of the......?

It is a new year. 2008. A new out look. A new 'look' maybe.
I am certainly looking to get fitter and lose weight oh and also to get stuck in to some art work.
Sunny I know is out to earn money through various projects and commissions.

But the common thing about us is to find a mate. Yes I know we are mates but we want a male mate. If we had inklings of a different nature then we would be sorted but we haven't so we are not. It is a tough call as how can a male meet the expectations of such independent females? Near impossible I expect.

It is a scary adventure I can tell you! These are the options!

Do you visit nightclubs in the wee small hours?
I have always made that my mantra if you weren't chatted up by 23.00 then after that the beer googles went on and the 'I don't care what they look like' has kicks in then Erm no thank you!!

Join a night school?
Now which one? Those full of males bird watching and twitching? Are they twitching because they want to be away from their wives? Mind you car mechanics, plumbing, carpentry does have a bit of an edge??

I have just started my Yogalates. There are only women there of 'various' shapes and sizes to say the least ... god I feel thin just going there. Result!

I must add that the first appearance at the college ..... as new starters we had to congregate in the canteen and this dear lady came out and shouted 'CLAITS?' (I thought she said Plates), then 'Anyone for Assertive Classes?' ... there were loads that said 'YES ME' - oh come on I would have expected no one to answer to that question at all, if you can stand up, say yes & wave in a room full of strangers then you don't need the class.
There was then the chap who answered to 'Water Colours?' who dropped all his brushes in the rush to get to class. (Mid 40's and lives with his Mum is my guess on him)

What is left ? Internet dating??
How does this work? You could pretend to be who ever you choose to be. A brain surgeon (ok not on my case), a Solicitor? A Doctor? All well and good in a responsible role play situation but getting that as the truth in the first place it isn't going to happen.
I am more fortunate than Sunny as I live in a large city, she lives in rural England and if someone doesn't recognise her from her profile then I am a Dutch man !!

I confess to trying the internet route once in a rash of random boredom and I must say that there were a few lovely chaps who chatted to me in a hyperspace sense but when I saw their photo they reminded me of Jabba the Hut........ sorry I do feel bad about that.

We both need some advice here and any would be appreciated...... there must be some lovely chaps out there looking for equally lovely ladies?

The only possible fly in the ointment to searching this year isn't it the Year of the Rat????

home gallery

gallery chez moi.......... ........ art by Sunny

present embarrassment

During this glorious 2 weeks off work I have been visiting friends and rellies as you do this time of year (yes sorry Sunny we have not been able to hook up but will do soon, have my birthday country weekend booked )

This morning I called on a friend for coffee and cake (I have not started yogalates yet so I can still have cake!). We had seen each other on Christmas Eve and exchanged presents not to be opened until Christmas day. So this was the first time we had had chance to see each other since then.
We were chatting away about stuff (yes she is yogalating with me.. I am so persuasive!), we were talking about the whole festive events et al.
Then she said
'were your presents eaten?'

Blind panic. Trying to remember gift by gift what 'er & I had opened on the 25th.
Ok focus now Random!! Mine were 2 cats with ' the best antiques are old friends' around their necks and a 'grow your own Toy Boy' (we don't buy serious pressies, although I could do with a new a new Toy Boy hee hee ) & 'ers were definitely non edible gifts.

I 'Huh'ed?' as only a blonde can do!

Then she produced a huge box of Thorton's chocolates.

I 'Huh'ed' again

When I looked closely I could see the corner of the box was missing

It turns out that she had wrapped all the presents and put them in the loft in about October. (aren't some people so organised) Then dragged them down come Christmas and just given them out in the carrier bags they had been in. Not noticing anything.

The embarrassment was that some of presents had in fact been eaten. Yes that living nightmare ..............mice in the attic!

What amused me the most (apart from the complete embarrassment my friend must have felt when the presents were returned) was the fact that the mouse/mice had eaten some of the chocolates and replaced them with loft insulation in perfect little shapes.

Imagine that wee thing thinking 'if I stuff this insulation in they will never ever notice I was here' how ingenious!

is there a cure?

I know how to party I learned it at an early age, not sure these days, however, I could do it for 11 days as Sunny posted about the Babylon folk.

I partied hard last night along with millions of other people around the world.
My usual morning after the night before cure is a cheeseburger, fries & strawberry milkshake from McDonalds. Alas today I couldn't get one as the boys in blue would have had a field day if they had asked me to blow their equipment this morning.
The bacon butty and copious amounts of Earl Grey just didn't hit the spot as a second option.

Not one for watching TV I suppose I miss out on a lot of advice (although I feel my life is calmer not knowing a lot of the rubbish that is churned out on a daily basis) but I was held captive with the TV earlier today and the advice the pundits were giving to shake off the hangover was to get some exercise. Exercise? I haven't started yogalates yet!

Being only a mile from the beach I figured that was the best way forward. Coat on, dog at the ready and off.

Not a sunny start up here to 2008 but not a cold one either, just a nothing grey old day.

It was fabulous. I found there is nothing better than the sea breeze to knock the alcohol vapours out of your system. Not a surfing beach unless you are of 'Borrower' size, but to anyone that knows this coast to see the tide being well, tidal is rare.

& to cap it all the joys of taking home a very happy, albeit sandy, damp and smelly pup.