some more giggles

I came across this email. No idea who said these things but the one liners are brilliant!

Hello, you invented Tippex, correct me if I am wrong!

I went to buy a watch, and the man said 'analogue?' I said 'no just a watch!'

I went to a pet shop 'I want a goldfish' he said 'do you want an aquarium?'
I said ' don't care what star sign it is!'

I went for a meal in a restuarant and asked for something herby. They served me a VW with no driver

My mate is love with 2 shoolbags. Do you think she is bisatchel?

I read the History of Glue today .. I couldn't put it down

I had to phone the local ramblers association yesterday... the bloke just went on and on

My mate told me he had got a job in a bowling alley.... 'is it tenpin' I asked 'no it is a permenant posistion' he answered

I am having some building repairs done on my house. So I phoned the local builders 'can I have a skip outside my house?' he said ' what you do in your own free time is up to you I'm not stopping you!'

A cowboy walks into a German car show room and says 'Audi'

I found a poorly bird in my garden, so I took it to the RSPCA offices. It was so tiny in there you couldn't swing a cat

I have joined the gym. So I asked 'can you teach me to do the splits?' reply 'how flexible are you?' 'I can only make Tuesdays and Thursdays'

Thought I would get a DVD out tonight... 'can I take out The Elephant Man?' I asked
reply 'He's not your type'
Me 'how about Batman Forever'
reply 'yes ok but it as to be back tomorrow'


& on that note................................

just for giggles

Over the years many of my friends have scattered to the far sides of the UK and the planet thus they are a bit virtual these days (as mentioned here) but we still mean the same to each other despite the miles between us... my mail box is a military operation at times with a mate in Canada and one in the far throws of Manchester who insist on saving up e mail funnies and sending a dozen at a time but they are usually classics. I have extracted a few images here that have had me giggling in my computer chair (as a dog & cat owner 2 of them are soooo true!)
:-)






















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i wonder?

En route to work on foot I try to vary my route.
No other reason than I try to delay the inevitable incarceration for 8 hours in an artificial environment! Although they all only take 15 minutes!

Here is a random whistle stop tour of my daily bit of Manchester.

Route 1.

Out the station, picking up a Metro News, past the Hilton hotel/ Beethan Tower.
(now this is one of the most unattractive buildings I have ever seen.. however it is beautiful inside and they do a great cappuccino) Crossing the road ahead of the flashing green man as I know the sequence of lights. Passing the flashy shops selling beds and flats that I would never ever be able to afford (not that I would ever want to buy a flat for £995,500 in the city centre).... past the Model shop
Popping into Sainsbury's for my 'desk lunch' and down to John Rylands then down the side street past the Magistrates court and into the office.

Route 2.

Out of the station across the bridge past the G Mex back entrance. Through the AMC cinema (& a quick look at the listings…..… ), down the steps back onto Deansgate. Past the John Rylands again. Past the Lap dancing place. Into Merv’s for a take away coffee and sausage butty for £1.99 (bargain) and into the office.

Route 3 (my favourite route)

Out the station, picking up a Metro News, past the Hilton hotel/ Beethan Tower. Crossing the road ahead of the flashing green man as I know the sequence of lights.

Down past the Ox on my reverse route home I have seen many times Craig Charles reading his Coronation Street script with a pint and a ciggy

Crossing over the road past the ‘blue post box’ to the Manchester Science and Industry Museum, which I love. This is where I saw ‘ The Pianist’ a few months ago. I have visited there many many times as my teen was growing up, it is free and there are loads of fun interactive things for kids, a train & plane museum and a mock up of Salford's Victorian sewers (lovely). I saw the Titanic Exhibition there, which was one of the best exhibitions I have seen. The most striking thing was a wall size slab of ice, which you could touch and it brought home just how cold that water would have been that night the Titanic sank.

So onwards down Great John Street past the Great John Street Hotel This is a great write up of it, have promised myself a stay there but it is so expensive … may just have to nip in for a cappuccino instead.

Opposite here is the Coronation Street set. There are usually a few die-hard fans in what ever the weather mingling at the gates cameras at the ready. Just mooching to work I see a few of them but don’t ask me their names (oh Kelly from the factory is one!… I am not an avid fan).

Then it is past the main Granada building. For some time now they had on the walls outside ‘Jeremy Kyle show queue this way’ & ‘ ‘Mastermind queue this way’. I so want to see both sets of audience there at the same time. Would it be shell suits and bling one side and corduroy jackets and intellectual types the other?

My final leg on this route is through the new Spinningfields development

I have watched the growth of this through my office window aver the past couple of years. I can’t believe that on what appeared to be a small patch of land such a mammoth creation has appeared. I have watched the apartments become occupied, many of which have chosen not to have curtains up at their windows (don’t they realize there is an office across the way) and tragically I have also seen a worker fall to his death from the scaffolding.

It is still not complete but it is a fantastic feat of engineering.

Tucked in between this extremely ultra modern 21^st century development is the People’s History Museum. It is so close to work but have only been once. You can clock in at work on an old machine and make badges. It was great fun.
Then across the bridge that straddles the Irwell and in to the office.

I do try to mix routes 1, 2 & 3 for an even better eclectic mix

some of my random favourite places

hereford art week

It is a little more than a week but Hereford Art Week started on the 6th September and runs through until the 16th.

There is loads to see and do during the event. If you can make it up, down or across to there you won't be disappointed.

I spoke to Sunny last week and she was burning that candle so much in preparation that there were no ends left. She has collaborated with a poet to produce some stunning pieces that compliment the poets work beautifully.

Unfortunately due to work commitments and other life stuff I can't make it there .. I am so disappointed. If like me you can't visit personally just check out some of the tasty morsels on offer through the web page

So 20th Century

This morning Charlie, the ‘er and me were having a drive out and as usual my ‘sounds’ were discarded from the CD player and replaced by Radio One.

Oh gone are the days when she was strapped in her car seat in the back never to escape except when I said so and I could listen to whatever I wished at a volume just a bit higher than the sound of her plastic cassette player that played tinny incy wincy spider songs and the like.

However, I was pleasantly surprised today as suddenly ‘Sitting on the Dock on the Bay’ Otis Redding came on. I have loved this song for as long as I can remember so I turned it up.

Through the corner of my eye I saw my ‘ers mouth open and I awaited the head wobble & ‘Oh Mum this is so 20^thCentury!!!!’

Well blow me down what came out was...........

‘Oh Mum I love this song, I’ve got it on my iPod’ and the volume went up further.

So we had a great sing-along and whistling session and then our chitchat went elsewhere away from the song.

Later I started to think when I had last heard the track? Not in ages and I can’t recall playing it in ‘ers presence in many a year. I must find out when she comes home tomorrow (this is my child free Saturday!!) where she learnt about it.

Otis Redding had died in a plane crash by the time ‘Dock on the Bay’ was released. He recorded it 3 days before the accident and it was released in Jan 1968. I certainly didn’t discover it until I was an ‘er in the 1970s.

My random thoughts this afternoon got me to thinking …..

Would I as an ‘er ever have liked the music my Mum would have listened to as an ‘er in the 40s? & what are my favourite songs from the 20^th Century that have not been influenced by a romantic interlude, a holiday or other scenario, just songs I like because they are great?

So the first random thought….. music C1945 (thank goodness for the Internet!!)

Well there was a lot of Woody Herman (who?), Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra (I am afraid he left me cold as an ‘er and only now as an adult in mid years do I like his music), The Andrews Sisters (OH NO WAY!!)

I know the music that Mum played whilst we were growing up consisted of Burt Bacharach and Slim Whitman (ooo no!!)

What I did like as an 'er, as I surf I recall, were the ‘tunes’ from the musicals as an ‘er. I was brought up on a diet of later great musicals Carousel, Oklahoma, Annie get your Gun, 7 Brides for 7 Brothers, Gigi, My Fair Lady so lots of Rogers and Hammerstein , Doris Day and the like. South Pacific is my very favourite. So maybe I as an ‘er did have an appreciation of older music albeit not the ‘pop’ music of the time.

So now the 2^nd random thought, 20^th Century tunes!

This has proved to be a bit trickier. As I have thought of my favourite ones most are actually connected to something or someone but here goes with 10 of them that aren't (in no particular order)

Otis Redding ~ Dock of a Bay
Aerosmith ~ Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing
GooGoo Dolls ~ Iris
Santana ~ Smooth
Dean Martin ~ Sway
Enrique Iglesias ~ Hero
Whitney Houston ~ I have nothing
Guns ‘n’ Roses ~ Sweet Child of Mine
Guns ‘n’ Roses ~ November rain
Lucky Jim ~ Lovely to me

But as I am a 21^st Century ‘er Mum I also like Snow Patrol, Kasabian, The Editors, Klaxons, The Fratellis, James Morrison, The Zutons and many more I have no idea what they are called!!

But try as I may I just can't stand the R'n'B musak where they wave and point their hands like someone not quite right!

Mint?

Now my 'er has had a friend/mate staying this weekend.

It is a gal I have never met before but she was so polite and said 'please and thank you at the right juncture'.

After she had gone my 'er said 'just before we went to sleep last night M said "you know something? your Mum is really mint, love her hair and how she looked after me"

Awww how lovely :-)

Then added to this was by 'er 'all my mates think you are really mint why is that ?'

Accolade indeed!! Albeit from other kids!